Being a Mom is Lonely

I know that it’s hard to believe because I am literally with another human being 24/7 but I am also very lonely. 

It’s hard, when you have a child, to hang out with your friends. Partly because you have a child with a certain schedule and partly because your friends don’t want to hang out with you AND your kid all the time. 

I can make all the plans in the world to hang out but if little man is sick, in a bad mood, his nap schedule is off, or whatever…I might have to cancel. But it seems that my friends cancel just as much as I do. And I totally get it and do not blame them. I would be that person who would not want to hang out with someone and their child. 

Most of the time I honestly just want someone to take a walk with and chat about things and have someone actually respond. I really don’t think that’s asking the world of anyone. 

I know a lot of people have told me to get into a moms group. Believe me I have tried! All last winter I tried to adjust little mans nap schedule so that we could attend a mother’s bible study and I couldn’t make it work. This winter I hope to have better results. 

When moms try to hang out with other moms there are also a few factors to consider. The kids might not be at the same developmental stage making play time difficult. The kids could be on different nap times. And of course all the other reasons to cancel become multiplied when more kids are involved. I realize that some people do not find this difficult but I have had no luck.

When friends do want to hang out I think it’s hard for them to understand that I might have to leave the beach early because my child is done with it. I can’t browse and shop like I used to because my kid can’t sit still for that long. My kid might scream the whole ride back from the zoo because he was over stimulated. And I am sorry for that but it’s usually out of my control. 

Most people are understanding because either they have been there or they are super chill and go with the flow. I, however, don’t want to force someone to endure the tantrums and unpredictability. So I guess in part it is my own fault. 

What it all comes down to is grace. I need to offer my friends grace because I would be the person not wanting to hang out with a kid all day. I also need to give myself some grace because I try to be perfect and have perfect situations in an imperfect world. It’s okay to cancel plans or leave a little early. What is important is to not close myself off completely and cut ties with everyone. That right there is something I need to remember. 

1 Peter 4:8-10

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

2 thoughts on “Being a Mom is Lonely”

  1. I feel like I will be the same way if i ever end up having kids. You and I have similar personalities in that you want everyone to have a great time and if something is to go wrong it can’t be because of you. I can’t stand it when I take my dog somewhere and he causes an issue. It makes me feel like a failure and that I should have gauged the situation better.

    But keep your head up! i still visit my old Olivet roommate twice a year Knowing that hanging out with her means keeping an eye on the kids too. You’ll find people that don’t mind doing that 🙂


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