Anxiety 

You probably couldn’t tell it just by looking but at me or even spending some time with me but I suffer from anxiety. I obsess over scenarios to the point of making myself physically ill. I expect the worst in almost every situation. I have panic attacks several times a month and dibilitating anxiety a couple times a week. 

When I wake up in the morning I have to make a conscience choice that I will get out of bed, take care of my needs and be a mom for Jack. Most days getting out of my pajamas is too much to ask. I do the best that I can and put Jack first. 

When I am in public, at the store or even church, being social is overwhelming. If I see someone that I know while I’m shopping I try to avoid them. At church I rarely seek people out to talk to them. If I do it’s because I trust them. The “handshake” time during the service is super hard for me. I never venture too far from my seat and never give more than a polite smile and answer a “how are you?”  with a “fine, how are you?” The rest of the day I am physically and emotionally exhausted. 

At a recent annual check-up I told my doctor how I have been feeling and he prescribed me something to help and suggested counseling. Let’s face it, I probably should have been in counseling years ago. But I am glad that I am finally getting some help. I know that admitting there is a problem is the first and hardest step. 

By the grace of God I am able to move on. I pray that God would help me get through the difficult moments and thank Him for the easy days. I call out Satan to stop attacking me. On bad days I just quietly say the name Jesus over and over because He knows my needs and what I am experiencing. 

Being a mom is really hard. I love my little boy more than anything and I want him to have the best life and a mom who can be the best she can be. There is no shame in admitting you have a mental disorder and getting help is the first step to recovery. I am so glad that I took that first step. 

2 Corinthians 12: 8-9

8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

1 thought on “Anxiety ”

  1. It’s so brave of you to put yourself out there and share your story. Remembering who we truly are is not easy work but it’s work worth doing. I’m proud of your courage and I honor your journey.

    Like

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