You probably couldn’t tell it just by looking but at me or even spending some time with me but I suffer from anxiety. I obsess over scenarios to the point of making myself physically ill. I expect the worst in almost every situation. I have panic attacks several times a month and dibilitating anxiety a couple times a week.
When I wake up in the morning I have to make a conscience choice that I will get out of bed, take care of my needs and be a mom for Jack. Most days getting out of my pajamas is too much to ask. I do the best that I can and put Jack first.
When I am in public, at the store or even church, being social is overwhelming. If I see someone that I know while I’m shopping I try to avoid them. At church I rarely seek people out to talk to them. If I do it’s because I trust them. The “handshake” time during the service is super hard for me. I never venture too far from my seat and never give more than a polite smile and answer a “how are you?” with a “fine, how are you?” The rest of the day I am physically and emotionally exhausted.
At a recent annual check-up I told my doctor how I have been feeling and he prescribed me something to help and suggested counseling. Let’s face it, I probably should have been in counseling years ago. But I am glad that I am finally getting some help. I know that admitting there is a problem is the first and hardest step.
By the grace of God I am able to move on. I pray that God would help me get through the difficult moments and thank Him for the easy days. I call out Satan to stop attacking me. On bad days I just quietly say the name Jesus over and over because He knows my needs and what I am experiencing.
Being a mom is really hard. I love my little boy more than anything and I want him to have the best life and a mom who can be the best she can be. There is no shame in admitting you have a mental disorder and getting help is the first step to recovery. I am so glad that I took that first step.
2 Corinthians 12: 8-9
8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.